Same Ish Different day

Word of warning: this post is about me complaining.

I'm going through a phase right now that I cannot deal with. I'm again at a point where I do not enjoy life at work. This happened to me late in 2007 where I just couldn’t deal anymore. That lead me to resign from the company I was working for then. And right now. At this very moment in time. I feel that all of that is just coming back again, 10 times worse. I don’t enjoy coming to this place *work place* anymore. I'm even irritated by the smallest things that people do. Today is just worse, even the people who don’t get to me as much in my life at work are just seriously pressing the wrong buttons with me. And not because they are looking to press those buttons. Just the mere action of them talking to me just drains the blood out of me. *Yes, that expression is exactly how I feel* I feel like the 1 thing that keeps me going has been taken away from me and I just can't deal.

Work is such a drag lately. And not in an "I'm having a bad day" drag. It's more like I'm having a bad 4 months of this year drag. which for me just tells me that I seriously need to move on. I need something creative to do in my 8 hours of sitting behind a desk, or maybe not even sitting behind a desk for that long. I feel like if someone says the wrong thing to me I'm going to strangle myself. Yes! Strangle myself not the person saying the "thing that I consider to be dumb at that point". I feel like that would actually take me out of my misery.

Maybe I need a holiday. But the thought of going away and coming back to the exact same work situation just doesn't excite me much. This feels like I'm running around like a headless chicken, going round and round in circles not achieving anything. As it is put; Same ‘Ish Different day.

Yes I can change the situation that I currently find myself in - I just think it has come to a point where I just do what needs to be done and move on to the next day. Sad thing about all of that is - that light of changing the situation has burned out.

The one thing I said to the universe today is "I'm really trying..."